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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24221944">baddest of dragons</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/dayevsphil/pseuds/dayevsphil'>dayevsphil</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Established Relationship, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Sex Toys, Smut, kind of monsterfucking fantasy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 17:41:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,738</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24221944</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/dayevsphil/pseuds/dayevsphil</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil has a toy from a specific online shop that he wants Dan to wear through the open zip of his jeans. Dan thinks the whole thing is a bit stupid.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dan Howell/Phil Lester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>132</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>baddest of dragons</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>what's up i'm intoxicated and my shame gland isn't working right now so enjoy this thing i've had unfinished in my documents since november 23rd</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"This is stupid," Dan informs his boyfriend, adjusting his zipper for the upteenth time. He doesn't actually need to, but the repetitive tiny motion of down and back up is keeping his hands occupied.</p><p>"If you're just going to laugh at me," Phil huffs, "then you can go for a run while I fuck myself."</p><p>"No, shut up, I'm staying."</p><p>Phil rolls his eyes. Even on his hands and knees at the end of the bed, face level with Dan's crotch, he still manages to have an air of the upper hand. It would almost be impressive if it weren't so annoying.</p><p>He doesn't say it again, but Dan still thinks this is a bit stupid. Phil is naked and nosing at Dan's hip, and it doesn't make any goddamn sense that Dan isn't allowed to slide his cock between those pretty lips until he comes. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other, getting comfortable, because he's going to be standing beside the bed until Phil has had his fill.</p><p>It could be a while. Phil can get pretty greedy when he wants to.</p><p>Still, Dan had insisted on being here for this. He doesn't fully understand his passive role in this, but tonight isn't for him.</p><p>"I just don't get why you didn't get a sheath if this is what you wanted," Dan can't stop himself from saying. Phil makes an annoyed sort of noise and doesn't bother answering him.</p><p>Instead, Phil moves his mouth downwards, pressing open-mouthed kisses over the silicone shaft. Phil keeps eye contact with him as he tongues at the head of the toy, and Dan feels a shiver up his spine at the phantom sensation. Dan runs his fingers through Phil's hair. He has a flash of nostalgia for holding Phil's long fringe out of his eyes, but he wouldn't trade Phil's confidence for the world. </p><p>"You look good," Dan tells him, low.</p><p>"Yeah?" Phil smiles, clearly preening at the praise.</p><p>"Look best on my cock," Dan says, unable to stop himself from digging a bit more. He smiles so that Phil doesn't think he's sulking. "But this is a close second."</p><p>Phil rolls his eyes again, nosing at the bumpy silicone. It barely even looks like a cock, and Dan has a passive curiosity, borne from mild oral fixation, about what the toy would feel like in his mouth. "I'd think that you'd be able to appreciate it more when you're <i>not</i> holding yourself back from coming right away," says Phil.</p><p>"I never come right away," Dan huffs.</p><p>He and Phil both know damn well that it's a lie, but Phil simply arches an eyebrow before flattening his tongue over the toy and licking up it.</p><p>Despite its colour and texture, the dildo isn't monstrous in size - they've certainly got bigger in their drawer. Dan knows it's not about that as much as it's about the fantastical feeling of an inhuman dick, and it certainly means that Phil is able to get his tight lips around it without any issue.</p><p>Obviously, Phil looks good. Dan doesn't say it again, because Phil doesn't need that sort of ego-stroking most of the time.</p><p>"Do you like it?" Dan asks instead, catching Phil's eye again. He's not sure what exactly Phil wants from him tonight, but he isn't about to just stand here and be quiet. Phil wouldn't have asked him to stay if that's what he wanted.</p><p>Well, Dan hopes so. Because he's not going to do that.</p><p>Phil nods as best as he can with his mouth full. He's not usually the type to avoid speaking just so he can keep his lips around Dan, and Dan feels the weirdest flare of jealousy. He's not going to let that sour his mood or anything - a dragon dildo is no match for the control he's had over his irrational reactions since he started therapy.</p><p>Dan runs his fingers through Phil's hair again. His hand finds the familiar spot at the base of Phil's alien skull and settles there, pretending he has any sort of control over the situation.</p><p>--</p><p>As soon as Dan has Phil's legs spread, he gets it. It's a bit strange to sink into Phil as though they're fucking and not actually <i>feel</i> Phil clench around him, but the view more than makes up for it.</p><p>Phil's mouth is still so red from how long he'd teased himself, and it's open on a silent moan that Dan wishes he could hear. A flush has spread from Phil's face and all over his torso, down to his straining cock. Dan is so rarely clear-headed enough to appreciate how pretty Phil looks when he's fucked open.</p><p>Dan doesn't spend too much time lingering over how much it turns him on that the thing fucking Phil doesn't look human. He's already had that spiral about himself, years ago, he'd just never gotten to experience it in real life.</p><p>He snaps his hips and Phil's eyelashes flutter. Dan's own cock is more than half hard by now, starting to get uncomfortable against the denim of his trousers. He's not about to stop the rhythm he's built up, not yet, not when it's making Phil make the most desperate noises as he clutches the sheets under him.</p><p>"Tell me how it feels," Dan says, his voice surprisingly level for how much physical effort this still is.</p><p>"Feels," Phil starts and then groans. His fingers twist in their sheets for a moment before he gives up and wraps them around his dick, always so impatient to come once he's got something inside him.</p><p>Dan stops, pulling the dildo most of the way out and raising his eyebrows. Phil makes a small noise at the loss. "Feels what? Use your words."</p><p>"It feels good, it feels fucking good," Phil says in a rush. He tries to bear down, but being more or less flat on his back isn't doing him any favours to take control again.</p><p>"Looks good," says Dan. He and Phil both look down at where they're connected, and Phil bites his lip.</p><p>Dan has no idea how it looks from Phil's vantage point, but the way his wet, pink hole is stretched around something that might come attached to a monster is something that Dan won't be taking for granted anytime soon.</p><p>"Make me come," Phil says, breathless with the need for it. His hair has become such a mess in such a short amount of time.</p><p>He looks beautiful. Despite that, Dan pulls out of him entirely. Phil pouts like he's been betrayed, but Dan doesn't give him the chance to voice it. He grabs Phil's hips and manhandles him onto his stomach. Phil is far more amenable to the change now. He gets comfortable on his knees, turning his face so the pillow doesn't suffocate him, and arches his back just right for Dan to groan appreciatively.</p><p>"There," Dan says, voice gone low with it. "Now it doesn't have to be me making you come."</p><p>Dan squeezes one of Phil's cheeks until it turns as pink as the rest of him, and then he lines the dildo back up.</p><p>--</p><p>It takes no time at all for Phil to come all over himself, but Dan is used to that. Phil always gets there so fast once Dan starts fucking him hard. He's slumped forward and breathing hard now. Dan is still inside him.</p><p>Well, the toy. The toy is still inside him. Dan is just the thing moving the toy.</p><p>He still can't figure out why Phil didn't buy a sheath, but he supposes that it's got better range as a regular dildo. Phil doesn't <i>need</i> Dan to be here. He'd just wanted him to be.</p><p>Dan rolls his hips forward, grinding the toy deeper into Phil and making him moan. He pulls Phil's cheeks apart to admire the stretch of his pretty hole some more. </p><p>"Fuck," Phil breathes, waving a hand carelessly behind himself. "That's - c'mon, get out of me."</p><p>"Your hypothetical dragon lover wouldn't just stop for your comfort, you know."</p><p>Phil giggles. Dan can't see his face, but he bets that Phil's tongue is trapped between his teeth. "And that's why I'm fucking you and not a dragon."</p><p>"Ah, fine," says Dan. "Ruin my fun."</p><p>He pulls out of Phil and watches, transfixed, as his hole tries to clench around something that isn't there anymore. He could have zoned out and watched it close on its own if Phil didn't roll onto his back just then.</p><p>"This came with a cumtube," Phil says conversationally.</p><p>"What the fuck," says Dan, "is a cumtube."</p><p>"You can get lube that looks like come," says Phil. He stretches over his head and Dan gets distracted by the shape of his arms. "And you put it in the tube with, like, a syringe. And then it's like the toy is coming."</p><p>"That's hot. And a little sad." Dan grins and finally unbuttons his jeans completely. He drops the dildo carelessly to the bed and tracks Phil's somewhat smug expression as his eyes flick from the toy, still sticky with regular lube, to the bulge in Dan's trousers.</p><p>"Aw, you're just bitter that the dragon can come and you haven't," Phil teases, making vague grabby hands at Dan. </p><p>"I don't mind," says Dan. He kneewalks closer to Phil anyway, lets himself get pulled down into an open-mouthed kiss, and laughs. "But, well, it'd be nice."</p><p>"C'mere," Phil says, still too vague for Dan's horny brain to decipher. When Dan only cocks his head in mild confusion, Phil rolls his eyes and pats his chest. "Up here, dumbass. I'll suck you off."</p><p>Dan won't say no to that. He pulls his dick out as he gets comfortable where Phil needs him, shivering at the first gentle touch of Phil's lips. It's the softest kiss. No tongue, barely any pressure, and Dan still feels his cock pulse at the contact.</p><p>"Is it as good as the dragon's?" Dan murmurs, more or less joking.</p><p>Phil meets his eyes, brow furrowing the tiniest bit before his whole face softens to something so adoring that Dan almost has to look away. Sometimes it still catches him off guard.</p><p>"Way better," Phil says, breathing all over Dan's sensitive dick before licking a long stripe up it. "You should come in my mouth now."</p><p>Dan doesn't need to be told twice.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>HUGE thank you to puddle and to jane for cheering me on with this and specifically to puddle for reminding me it existed and demanding i finish it. blame puddle, everybody!</p><p>reblog on tumblr <a href="https://dayevsphil.tumblr.com/post/618308336420519936/baddest-of-dragons">here!</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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